Tag: disappointment

Leaders these days face a constant struggle to manage their energy.

 

For many of the leaders I work with, an onslaught of meetings obliterates time for focused work or sustained discussion.

 

For many others, an inordinate amount of energy goes into managing other people’s reactions. Predicting, like a chess master attuned to relationships, how others will feel about their decisions. Not just their bosses or peers but the people they lead, too.

 

In particular, this shows up when I’m working with leaders who are guiding change in their teams.

 

Change is hard. It involves shifting from a known state to an unknown one, from certainty to uncertainty.

 

And it involves disappointing people.

 

Disappointing people doesn’t mean being insensitive to what others want. But it does mean not owning their reactions—as strong as they may be—when they don’t get what they want.

 

I recently worked with a leadership team of a support function that had been working in an unsustainable way. The services they provided to their internal customers were broad and bespoke, and the team lacked a structured workflow. As a result, their team was getting burnt out and lacked the bandwidth to tackle the strategic work needed to improve their workflows.

 

But even in this context, leaders were worried that a shift to a new way of working might create fear and insecurity. Some employees liked the way they worked because they got to show up in heroic ways for their internal customers, getting things done at any cost. Others feared that, after restructuring, there wouldn’t be enough work to justify keeping them around.

 

Rather than get stuck predicting reactions to a change, this leadership team ran a participatory process. They shared the problem as they saw it and got curious about the perspective of their team. They outlined new ways of working, seeking input from the team and their internal clients.

 

Ultimately, they made a decision about how to move forward. They were open about the fact that they didn’t know exactly how things were going to play out and that they would learn and adjust over time. They were also clear about their decision.

 

Rather than managing everyone’s reactions, they used what I call strategic disappointment to move forward with clarity.

 

They shared that some folks would not be able to do their job the way they always had: Heroes couldn’t be heroes anymore.

 

They acknowledged that not everyone would like that—and that they were OK with disappointing people because they thought it was ultimately in everyone’s best interests.

 

And, since they had been asked their views along the way, people were mostly OK with that. They were participants in the process so, even if the outcome wasn’t the one they wanted, they got it. This was as true for the team as it was for their internal clients.

 

Instead of tying themselves in knots, trying to please everyone and manage to exception, the leadership team moved forward with energy.

 

The benefits of disappointing people do not just emerge during change. When you know that you’re going to say no to something—to a team member’s bid for a new role, to a hiring candidate you don’t think is the right fit, or to a request from a cross-functional partner—channel Nancy Regan and just say no.

 

Perseverating drains energy and serves no one. As the Dali Lama (supposedly) said, “Resistance to reality is the source of all suffering.”

 

What about you? Do you struggle to disappoint people?

 

If so, how might you make a shift so you’re managing your energy instead of others’ expectations? Email me at [email protected] and let me know.

 

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