Resistance gets a bad rap.
The most common word associated with resistance, at least in the context of change, is the need to “overcome” it.
So how do we do that?
By persuading people, convincing them, and finding the mythical secret to getting “buy-in.”
Or, if all else fails, by threatening them.
But these strategies don’t work. They might get compliance, but they won’t get enrollment.
They may get someone to change their behavior, but only when you’re looking over their shoulder.
As someone leading change, it’s easy to justify reaching for compliance because we see what we do as righteous.
We are, after all, trying to lead people from a problematic place to a better state of the world.
In this light, people who are resisting are bad; they’re slowing down our journey to a bright, shiny future.
They just don’t get it.
Obviously. 🙄
Because if they did, they’d be clamoring to join us on our journey.
But we all resist things. So when someone (or the universe itself!) imposes change on us and we don’t like it — we get pissed off.
We just don’t call that resistance because it feels righteous to us.
And that’s the secret to working with resistance: realize that resistance is always rooted in our own experiences, in our own truths. And that your colleague’s resistance (and, dare I say, even your spouse’s resistance) is rooted in the experience that they are living at any given moment.
I call this idea practical empathy, the realization that, even as our conclusions are grounded in our own experiences, so too are the conclusions of others.
This helps us broaden our understanding of resistance.
We can see it not as something to overcome but something to understand — nay, to celebrate.
This is a practice that starts with ourselves.
When we’re resisting something, we can get curious. What is the story we’re telling ourselves about what we’re facing?
How confident are we that our story is true and, at the end of the day, does it really threaten our security, belonging, or control?
Would we be willing to try something to step out of our comfort zone?
When we experience resistance in others, we can get curious too. What are they seeing that I’m missing? What can I learn from them?
Our curiosity lets us step back from the need to be right and instead open up to being influenced by others. Rather than getting stuck in dogma, we can find a path that we didn’t see before.
So how does this show up for you? What’s a time when you’ve stepped back by getting curious?
P.S. I’m indebted to the work of Rick Maurer, who has shaped the ideas I’ve written about above. I particularly like his book Beyond the Wall of Resistance, which I often recommend to my clients leading change.
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