How often do you feel powerless at work? Like you’re being asked to do something that you can’t actually accomplish given your position and the rules around how your organization works.
If you’re like many of the leaders I work with, you’re often accountable for creating results beyond what’s under your direct control. And you’re embedded in a culture that demands answers to complex problems, like, yesterday.
That’s a paradox because having answers doesn’t actually help you influence others. In many cases, showing up with an answer actually creates resistance.
I run a monthly coaching group called Lead Curious that works with this challenge. Why is it called Lead Curious? Because the most effective way to expand your influence is by asking curious questions.
It seems counterintuitive, but it’s the secret weapon at the heart of my work with leaders of the world’s biggest and most interesting organizations.
If you’re trying to influence someone, you have to start by understanding what they care about. If you’re asking someone to do something for you, or give up something that they value, you need to build trust so that you are on the same team.
How can you do that?
Share your agenda… but start with theirs.
You have an agenda. Share it, but don’t hold it tightly.
“You probably know that I’ve been asked to support better collaboration across our teams, but before we get to that, I’d like to understand a little bit more about what’s up for you. What are the most important things you’re working on right now?”
Acknowledge challenges without offering solutions.
Many cultures don’t support this behavior, but it’s so important. You can even acknowledge those norms as you seek support:
“I know we love solutions. I wish I had a solution for this, but I feel stuck. What do you think are some of the barriers to collaborating?”
Name things, particularly feelings (and be curious about how those feelings land with others).
This one is my favorite because it is so simple. Sometimes simply saying things out loud helps us shift the conversation. For example, if you’re working with another team that appears to agree about an issue in principle but drags its feet on implementation, you can name that:
“We’ve all said that we agree that more collaboration is better, but I’m worried we’re not taking meaningful steps to resolve this situation. Do you all share that worry?”
It can be hard to be the first person to show vulnerability in a work culture that still considers it a weakness, but it’s disarming, and it builds trust—quickly.
When you can let go of showing up with the right answer, you can start to grow your influence and co-create solutions to complex challenges faster. You’ll learn that you have more power than you think you do.
There’s no trick to these approaches—but that doesn’t make them easy. They require practice and the willingness to experiment. So forward this to an interested colleague, find a good coach, and start practicing.
And if you’re interested in practicing these approaches with fellow leaders, the next session of Lead Curious will launch in late 2022. Stay tuned here.