I wasn’t sure why my mom sent me the vampire blood.
I mean, it came with other Halloween decorations, so at least the context makes sense. Halloween decorations are one of the ways my parents, who live across the country, bond with the kiddos, who love decorating.
But this was kind of perplexing. What were we supposed to do with 16 oz (473 mL) of blood?
Blood that, at least if the bottle is to be believed, “Looks and flows like real blood!”
Great.
The kids, of course, were into it. They wanted to open it immediately, ideally over the white carpet.
Naturally, I distracted them and hid it in the kitchen.
Kids are persistent, though, so when they asked about it a few days later as I was making dinner, I opened the lid and cracked the seal. I kept it out of their hands, but we were all one step closer to the “Incredible blood-red color!”
But I still wasn’t sure what to do with it. Should we decorate the front of the house with it? Or is it for my body? Will it stain the sink?
I ducked into the bathroom and bloodied my hand with a Q-tip.
Pretty good. I’d say that “Incredible blood-red color!” was pretty accurate. Plus, it washed off fairly easily.
I decided it was time to see how life-like this blood really was. Eight-year-old T was in the kitchen, so I showed him my hand. “I’m going to pretend I hurt myself,” I whispered.
I picked up the knife I’d been chopping with and slammed it down on the cutting board.
Thwack!
“Owww!”
Beat
“Oh no,” Katy cried from the other room, “Did you cut yourself?”
Now to set the hook: I staggered into the living room, hand clutched to my body.
“It’s fake blood!” T yelled. “He’s not really hurt!”
Bummer. Joke blown.
Later, I wondered: Why did T yell that? What did he get from it?
I think it was because, at that moment, he lacked negative capability, a phrase coined by the poet Keats:
“When a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason.”
Negative capability is the ability to pursue a project with an unknown outcome, accepting the existence of uncertainties, while remaining objective and emotionally detached from the project and being comfortable with the inherent mysteries. In this case, the uncertainty—the mystery—was in not knowing how the joke would be received. Would others find it funny? How long could I keep it up? Would people really think I was hurt?
And staying with uncertainty is difficult. In that moment, it was too hard for T, and much more comfortable to blow the joke, to settle the issue.
Negative capability is hard, and it’s a big part of my work.
In my business, I need to move toward my vision while in a state of uncertainty: I try things without knowing whether they will work and try to remain objective.
I help my clients access negative capability as they lead transformational change, an activity that is, by definition, a movement toward uncertainty.
And even at home, as my partner and I combine our once-separate lives into a modern family, I lean on negative capability, choosing love over fear and doubt while we take this big step together.
I bet negative capability shows up in your work, too.
Pursuing the most important work necessarily involves movement toward the unknown. After all, if you knew the outcome, you’d probably be doing that new thing already!
Paradoxically, when you lack negative capability, you limit your ability to have a positive impact. You reach for control, which creates resistance in others. You overreact to mistakes instead of seeing them as a part of the process. And, perhaps most importantly, you dampen your ambition, sticking with what is practical instead of exploring the boundary of what is possible.
The good news is that you can grow your negative capability.
Here are three ways:
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Notice your own reactions to things. We can use our feelings like a compass. When you experience anxiety, determine where it’s coming from. Is it a mystery that you have to live with, or is it something you can act on now?
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Get curious about mistakes. Author and conductor Benjamin Zander writes that the best reaction to a mistake is “How fascinating!” followed by reflecting on your role in events. Take a broader view to begin developing a stronger long-term perspective.
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Learn the verbal “tells” that you use to shut out possibility. Avoid using phrases like “That just won’t work…,” “I can’t…,” or “If they would change/understand/stop…”
Remember, as Keats said, to maintain a state of negative capability, you must be in uncertainties without regard for reason. Don’t sabotage your journey by disregarding paths that seem impossible at first glance.
Negative capability is a funny phrase with high stakes: if you can’t move forward while accepting uncertainties, it will slow down your work and limit your career.
So how do you bring negative capability to your work? Shoot me a reply and let me know.
P.S. I’ve just opened up a few more Change Coaching slots in my schedule. If you’re a leader guiding transformational change, frustrated with the resistance you’re encountering or interested in learning how you can leverage negative capability to your benefit, reply to this email. I’ll send you more info about my approach and a link to a short questionnaire to see if we might be a good fit to work together.
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